Suicide Squirrel Threat Advisory System

This widget will check in with the central command center and display the appropriate graphic reflecting the current Suicide Squirrel Threat Level. The threat level is based on rigorous scientific research, monitoring squirrel ‘chatter’ in channels generally associated with squirrel activity.

The Suicide Squirrel Advisory System is designed with Science to guide our protective measures when specific information to a particular sector or geographic region is received. It combines threat information with vulnerability assessments and provides communications to public safety officials and the public.

The Color-coded Threat Level System is used to communicate with public safety officials and the public at-large through a threat-based, color-coded system so that protective measures can be implemented to reduce the likelihood or impact of squirrel suicide.

Note: I copied a lot of the above from The Department of Homeland Security. You have to admit it’s a masterpiece of bureaucratic quack-talk.

Future

We here at Squirrel Alert Command Center never rest in our quest to make the world a safer place. It’s possible that in the future this widget will become even more sophisticated. Maybe not likely, but possible.

Future enhancements might include:

• customizable messages for every alert level
• option to use smaller versions of the images
• anything any clever nutjob out there suggests. (That means you.)